Doing Christmas differently to support our autistic son
We love our family Christmas, it’s a special and magical time, but to accommodate Mark, our autistic son, we do things a little differently to other families.
By the age of six, Mark had worked out that Father Christmas was not real. His logical and literal brain told him it simply wasn’t possible for one man to get around the whole world in one night. Once we confirmed his suspicions, he was so much calmer at Christmas from then on.
I was worried that this would mean the magic of Christmas would be lost, but in fact things have been better since then. Mark still writes a Christmas list, but instead of leaving it out for Father Christmas, he discusses it with his us, which means he understands why he receives certain gifts but not others.
There are no surprises
We also saw him visibly relax one year when we told him he could look at what gifts he would be getting on Christmas Day in advance. Like many autistic people, Mark doesn’t like surprises, so removing this element helped him enjoy Christmas more.
This logic applies to most things they do over the Christmas period. Things are planned and talked about, so there are no surprises. We keep a calendar on the kitchen door detailing all our December activities, so Mark knows what to expect. We always go to church, so I ring up earlier in the year to find out when the Christmas service is taking place. Being so organised benefits me too! My family think it’s hilarious that they get their Christmas presents before the end of November – but it means I’ve got a bit more headspace and a bit more time to slow things down for the children.
The Christmas cake was made at half term. It’s a fun family activity but also a nod to Mark that Christmas is coming. We drip feed information so it's not all consuming when Christmas arrives.
Doing things our own way
We also limit the number of activities we do after school in the weeks before Christmas, so as not to overwhelm Mark. This is particularly important at this time of year because his normal school timetable is disrupted due to festive events. We also avoid certain events that we know will be busy, like our local Christmas lights switch-on or Christmas markets. Instead, we find alternative events – such as a local light walk, which is ticketed so fewer people can attend, and allows us to go at our own pace.
Mark helps with some of the Christmas preparations, such as choosing the decorations he likes for the tree, which is always in a familiar place. We don’t have flashing lights, as Mark doesn’t like these. We’ve noticed it makes a difference if we put up decorations in a simple way, such as adding a Santa hat to an ornament that was already there.
How we celebrate on Christmas Day
On Christmas Day itself, we have a small celebration at home, which my mum joins. Mark and his grandmother have a good relationship, so this helps with social overwhelm.
Mark starts his day with his typical morning routine – he wakes up and gets ready as normal. Rather than having our Christmas meal in the afternoon like most families, in our house we have a light lunch and eat the Christmas meal in the evening, keeping the mealtime structure of a regular day. This means atypical events, such as opening presents, don’t dominate the day.
During the Christmas meal, we lay out all the food for everyone on the table, but we make sure Mark has access to his safe foods, such as broccoli.
As a family we really enjoy Christmas and it's not a case of thinking you can’t do things. We’ve just learned to do things differently and adapted our plans so everyone can have a chilled-out, enjoyable Christmas.
About the author
Harriet is a parent to her daughter and her 10-year-old autistic son, Mark.
