My experience of autism and addiction
Trigger warning: This blog discusses alcohol addiction.
For most of my life, I have felt awkward. I said the wrong things, talked too much or not at all, and left conversations replaying everything I’d done “wrong.” I didn’t understand why it felt so hard. Then two years ago, I was diagnosed with autism.
Before that, I thought I had found a solution: alcohol. It was incredible. I felt at ease. I could talk, laugh, and everyone thought I was so much fun. At university, where nights out were constant, drinking became my way of coping. It dulled the noise, the lights, the social pressure. It made me feel normal.
But it would never last. I’d come home and be so overwhelmed and exhausted that I’d have to drink more to hold onto that calm. Eventually, I realised I didn’t even need to go out in the first place. I just needed alcohol.
When Christmas came around I drank so much I passed out on the sofa of my family home.
Over time, things spiralled. I couldn’t face social situations, or even leave the house, without drinking. Friends told me they were worried; I told myself they were overreacting. I was only 20! This was just what people my age did. Losing alcohol felt unthinkable, so I started pushing people away instead.
But I couldn’t ignore it forever. I didn’t even recognise myself anymore. I was so consumed by alcohol that it started to scare me. That fear was what finally made me stop. I dropped out of university and began trying to get sober.
Looking back, I was never drinking the same way others my age were. I was trying to hide my autism, to manage sensory overwhelm, and later, to cope with burnout.
I’ve now been sober for nearly four years. I’m not scared about appearing autistic anymore. People like me for who I am. I protect myself and my needs.
If I had known that I was autistic, I might have known the risks sooner. Autism and addiction are such taboos that there still isn’t enough awareness of how they interact, or why so many of us turn to coping mechanisms that ultimately harm us. That is starting to change, and by talking about it openly and honestly, we make it easier for others to understand themselves sooner, and to find safer ways to cope.
About the author
This blog is written by Niko, an autistic young person.
Where to find support
- Our Autistic and OK programme, created in collaboration with Zurich and the Z Zurich Foundation, empowers autistic pupils to take control of their mental health and wellbeing, understand themselves and feel OK.
- The Samaritans helpline is open 24 hours a day on 116 123.
- Visit Via for free and confidential support for issues around alcohol dependency and drug use.
