Our Christmas is different, but we like it that way
Christmas can be a stressful time for everyone. There’s so much to organise, and there is often a lot of pressure to always feel happy. But for some autistic people like my 18-year-old son James, the challenges the festive period can bring are heightened.
Luckily, since James received his autism diagnosis four years ago, we’ve learned how best to support him at Christmas, and he knows what he needs to do to have a good time and feel relaxed.
Celebrating Christmas in our own way
For James, the most difficult part of Christmas is the expectations of others. For this reason, we’ve ditched the surprise presents and James writes a list of what he wants. This means he knows exactly what will be waiting for him under the tree on Christmas morning, and he doesn’t have to worry about reacting in the “right” way to what he’s been given. He’s never liked surprises and said it didn’t make sense to be bought gifts he didn’t want. This new approach has been great – James is happier, and we’ve saved ourselves money and a trip to the charity shop to donate all the unwanted presents!
James really feels the pressure to constantly be happy and positive at Christmas, so tends to mask his true feelings, which can be exhausting. As a family we all feel this, so over the years we’ve learned to say no to a lot of things where we feel like we’d have to always act like we’re having fun.
We were never big party animals and have always liked to stay in, so saying no to the odd Christmas party hasn’t been difficult – especially when it’s cold! One of the things we are planning to do this year is see the Christmas lights at the botanical gardens in Cambridge. It’s a really festive experience, but one that allows us to dodge the crowds, which is better for James.
Sticking to usual routines
This year, we’ve booked a pub for our Christmas meal, which we have around lunchtime. We like to maintain the structure of our regular mealtimes, which helps keep some routine. The 1.00pm Christmas meal was actually a tradition started by my dad, but it suits James brilliantly, so we’ve kept it up. We try and stick to as many routines as possible during the Christmas period. At this time of year, lots of families stay up later than normal and lie in in the mornings, but not us. We’re all up at around 7.00am and James is in bed by 9.00pm followed by my husband and me an hour later – just like a regular day.
As we’ll be eating in a pub on Christmas day, we’ve chosen our meals in advance, which James is very happy about. On a regular day, he always knows exactly what he’s going to be eating for each meal, and Christmas day will be no different. We’ve also asked to sit in a quieter area of the pub so hopefully there won’t be too much noise from other customers.
Some autistic people have sensory sensitivities around food and may find the texture and taste of certain things unpleasant. Although this doesn’t apply to James, who really likes food and eats lots of different things, he does have sensory sensitivities when it comes to the sound of people eating – he can’t stand chewing noises! This means that eating meals with other people can sometimes be difficult, but James is good at managing this, and we’ll be with family who all understand. James also has certain sensitivities when it comes to touch. He really hates the feeling of certain fabrics, so this year he’ll be getting some of his presents in a paper sack, rather than a felt stocking.
There’s a lot of unpredictability in life, and that can’t always be avoided, especially around Christmas. But over the years we’ve learned to try and keep up as many routines as possible, and control what we can. This makes things easier, and our family Christmas has been a lot more relaxed and fun for everyone since. It’s a bit different, but we like it better this way.
About the author
Susie lives with her husband, two children and their dogs. Susie’s eldest son James is 18-years-old and autistic.
