Parenting as an autistic adult

A brief introduction to me and my family

I am an autistic mother to two wonderful autistic sons, aged 18 and 7. Together, we form a unique family unit, navigating life with our individual needs and quirks. Each of us experiences autism in our own way; while my oldest son and I are hyper-sensitive, my youngest son is hypo-sensitive. This dynamic at times challenging also brings a beautiful diversity to our household, allowing us to learn from and support one another in ways that are deeply personal and meaningful.

Challenges I face whilst parenting as an autistic adult

Parenting, in itself, is an intricate dance of patience, understanding, and resilience. As an autistic adult, this journey is further nuanced. One significant challenge is managing sensory sensitivities within our family. As a hypersensitive individual, I am acutely affected by loud noises, strong smells, or bright lights, which can sometimes overwhelm me. Similarly, my oldest son shares these struggles, while my youngest son's hyposensitivity means he often seeks sensory input in ways that clash with our sensitivities, such as being overly active or loud. Balancing these contrasting needs requires constant adaptation and creativity.

Another challenge lies in navigating social expectations and communication. Traditional parenting advice often doesn't resonate with me, as it is built around neurotypical norms. Explaining our needs to educators, friends, or extended family can sometimes feel isolating, as they may not always understand the intricacies of our experiences. Additionally, my executive functioning challenges mean that organising schedules, appointments, and daily routines can become overwhelming, especially when ensuring all three of us get the support we need.

Strengths that autism brings to my parenting

While parenting as an autistic adult comes with its challenges, it also brings unique strengths that enrich the experience. My hypersensitivity allows me to connect deeply with my children, recognising subtle cues in their behaviour that might go unnoticed by others. This heightened awareness helps me respond to their emotions, fostering a nurturing and empathetic environment.

Being autistic also means I approach parenting with creativity and a willingness to think outside the box. I understand the importance of accommodating individual needs, and as a result, I am more flexible in tailoring my parenting style to suit my sons’ preferences. Whether it’s finding sensory-friendly activities for my oldest or creating engaging sensory inputs for my youngest, my ability to adapt is a key strength.

Moreover, my lived experience with autism allows me to advocate passionately for my children, ensuring their voices are heard and their needs are met. I have a deep understanding of their challenges, which enables me to be their strongest ally in navigating systems that may not always prioritise neurodiverse individuals.

Advice for other autistic parents

To my fellow autistic parents, I offer this advice: embrace your unique perspective and capabilities. Your lived experience is a powerful tool that allows you to connect with your children in ways others may not. Trust your instincts, and don’t be afraid to advocate for the adjustments your family needs, whether in schools, workplaces, or social settings.

It’s also important to prioritise self-care. Parenting can be demanding, and as an autistic adult, managing your own sensory and emotional well-being is crucial. Build routines that accommodate your needs as much as your children’s and seek support when necessary—whether from a trusted friend, therapist, or community of autistic parents.

Finally, celebrate the diversity within your family. Each child, with their hyper-sensitivities or hypo-sensitivities, brings something unique to the table. These differences are opportunities for learning and growth, both for your children and for you. By fostering understanding and mutual respect, you can create a home environment that thrives on acceptance and love.

Parenting as an autistic adult is a journey filled with challenges, triumphs, and countless moments of discovery. It reminds us of the beauty in diversity and the strength that comes from embracing our true selves.

About the author

Christina is a parent to an autistic child and is a member of the Talk about Autism community.