incident in school, advice needed | Ambitious about Autism
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incident in school, advice needed

josh#myworld's picture

incident in school, advice needed

Thu 8 May 2014 5:53pm

my 5 year old boy diagnosed with asd last august, we see a peadiatrition regularly and we had a meeting last year with school senco ( i had to push for this ) to be fobbed off saying he is settled in school etc only to go back to the peadiatrition to be told he needs the CAf being done so she wrote to the school and heard nothing. i then had a appointment a few weeks ago and the peadiatrition said has the CAF been done as he had a letter in front of him saying it was and that his other peadiatrition had wrote to them. my son has been going for lunch in nursery as they cannot cope with his behaviour (lunchtime staff) and we have had various incidents but nothing like today. I went to pick him up from school today, to be told the teacher wants to speak to me. she said they had a very serious incident and that my son had put his hand up a girls skirt and tickled her, they tried to sort it out and he got very angry and was lashing out so in which resulted him spending the afternoon in the headteachers office, my son automatically came running up to me and i asked him what had happened he said it was because he missed me, he then got excited and said im going to my friends house for tea, i said sorry but you cannot go now for behaving this way at school, he completely lashed out at me and ran off outside to his friend, my friend kindley watched my son while i spoke to the teachers. they said to me what are the peadiatritions and doctors doing as he needs some sort off anger management, i was like the peadiatritions requested you do a caf so i can accsess the childrens centres as they wont acept him with out it, i said they have wrote to you, the senco were supposed to call us in after christmas and weve heard nothing, by this point im tearful as i felt it was me that is letting my son down, had i done enough. they said they have not recieved any letters and if i was happy to they are going to get someone to come into school and assess him. ive come home and i was so upset, i feel like i have pushed and pushed for help and we havent got it, now 1 incident after him being in nursery for 2 years and reception nearly 1 year they feel the need to get involved (what ive wanted all along ) i have spoken to my son and ive asked him what happened he said she did it first, i said what first, he said tickled me, i said where and he pointed to his bits, i said what did you do, he told me he did it back.  now i can think straight am i right in to thinking they should have rang me if he had been sat in the office all afternoon and had lashed out, i really need advice as im so fed up with this school, there is too many incidents to put down but i feel the warning signs have been there for a very long time and no one has listened when i have raised concerns.

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  • Whirling Mind's picture

    This has been very badly mishandled and is a classic example of reactiveness, where they have been asked to put a support plan in place, haven't and then wondered why things escalated and then take action when something has gone too far.

    I don't think it was necessary to stop your son going to his friend's house for tea, no doubt in his mind, as an autistic child he didn't understand the situation the way everyone else thought he did and he probably wonders why he has been punished.  To him that would likely have felt very unfair and confusing.

    I would document everything you said about regarding what you asked for, what you were told by who, when, and keep a record of it all that you can copy to everyone involved.

    I would complain about the way they fobbed you off, the way they have not kept you informed and the way they deprived him of learning whilst he was ostracised in the head's office.  Make it an official complaint too, in writing.  You can ask your local Parent Partnership for support in doing this and also they can go to any meetings with you for support.

    I would also email or write to the paediatrician asking for copies of the letters they sent, as informed to you on [dates of appointments] as the school claim not to have received them.

    Who is meant to be the CAF lead professional?

  • Whirling Mind's picture

    You also need to do social stories with your son about boundaries and speaking up to adults if another child does something wrong.  Teach him the "swimsuit" thing about which areas are no-go to touch.  You could also use some PECS social stories (cheap on eBay) about aggression.

    I would also question the school in writing, asking for a list of what measures they put in place to support your son, such as visual timetables, socialising support, adequate supervision and anything he needs for sensory issues if he has them, sensory time to de-stress etc. and a way he can leave the classroom if he gets overwhelmed.

    It sounds as if they have done nothing for him, and then wonder why he ends up lashing out.  He seems to have been inadequately supervised socially (hence the incident), not had his ASC needs met and then been blamed for having an autistic meltdown resulting from their failings.

  • Manicmom81's picture

    Unfortunately schools can be very lax in providing adequate support, I have also found them to overreact to situations or allow them to escalate and then blame the child.

    In my eldest son's old school he spent a great many hours with the headteacher, SENCO and anyone who would have him because the teacher said she couldn't cope with his behaviour. 

    You are going to have to become very pushy to get your son the help he needs or he will slip through the cracks.

    The best thing for my son was being sent to a Nurture Group. Do they have anything like that in your area? 

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