Losing hope | Ambitious about Autism
Skip to Content

Losing hope

jamesjoseph's picture

Losing hope

Mon 17 Aug 2015 6:12am

Hi All,

This is my first time posting. I have a beautiful 14 month old, he is loving (with his mum anyway) and provides us with such joy, he can be a handful, climbing,getting into cupboards he shouldn't be in etc, but he is a funny little guy, often smiling and laughiing. There's just one small problem, I am positive he has some form of ASD.

A couple of months ago we had our 12 month Health visitor appointment, I told them he hardly ever responds to his name (he now doesn't at all..EVER). He didn't (and still doesn't) bring us new toys to share, point to what he wants or point things of interest out to us, neither does he make eye contact with us unless certain things are happening (e.g. playing peekaboo, getting changed). When he plays he doesn't 'pretend', although he will have a play with most things he gravitates towards toy cars etc. and just wheels them back and forth, he does hug a teddy bear though.

We've had his hearing tested, everything seemed fine, I knew there was nothing wrong with his hearing but realised we wouldn't get any further with getting him assessed until that had been ruled out. We have an appointment with HV in October, although I think I will be going sooner as I am not sleeping worrying about this. however my wife has rose tinted spectacles and has been reassured by family with things like 'oh, your brother did that and he's fine' etc, I just upset her when I try to talk about it. Dragging her to the HV/Docs is going to be difficult, doesn't help that I suffered from health anxiety a year or so ago so have a tendency to overthink things and believe certain diagnoses are certain when there are innocent explanations. I recognise the signs of that however and there doesn't seem to be any other explanation for his behaviour than ASD.

I don't quite know why i'm writing this post, I know nobody here can diagnose, If somebody were to reply and say 'that definately isn't autism' nobody would be happier than me, for a day or two and then I would just worry the same.

I guess i'm reaching out to people affected by autism to reassure myself that If (most likely when) my little angel does get diagnosed that this won't be the end of the world. It might also be helpful if anybody could tell me if it is likely that the NHS will do anything at 14 months, is there a minimum age they will refer for an assessment.

Anyway, thanks for listening, guess mainly I just want to talk about it to someone

Back to discussions
Read our guidelines

  • NNatalia89's picture

    Hi. Welcome to forum. Firstly would like to say that u shouldn't worry to much about what explains for your child behaviour have. My both boys have ASD. Before my older one was diagnosed I was told by other (HV included) that "it's because his premature child" or "this is only terrible two" etc etc. He was diagnosed at 3. And my family has also said but your uncle, or but u was the same doing this & this and u're fine. As it's turned out I'm my self also on spectrum. Got my aspergers diagnosis recently.  As u point it out no one here can say for certain he does have or don't is on spectrum. But in my opinion u point out most important symptoms. So it's worth to check. As for diagnosis it's really depending on area where u leave. I have heard of kids been diagnosed as early as 16 months old on NHS. In my area is 24 months and eye & hearing check up front (to role those out). Then if he will be diagnosed don't worry to much. Diagnosis it's good think. It won't change your little cheeky monkey in any way, he will be still the same bundle of love & happiness, but it's key for early intervention (speech therapy, OT, communication, behaviour etc etc). In terms of his Mum I can only say that noatywr if he have ASD or not, everyone need to get to terms that something may be different with their child on their own (especially if it's 1st baby). My hubby for example has seen all the odds with my older one behaviour but he also used all other little explanations until he was ready to acknowledge the truth. 

    Autism. It's not a processing error. It's a different operating system.
  • JosieB's picture

    Hi jamesjoseph

    Welcome to the forum.

    I think in general they tend to wait until a child is around 18 months before doing an assessment.   It's so hard to tell when children are so young and many times even at 18 months they are reluctant to put a definite label on a child.  But it is good that you are picking up on these things and it would probably be a good idea to keep a diary of all the things that concern you just for future reference should it be needed.

    A diagnosis certainly wouldn't be the end of the world, just the start of a different journey and one where quite frankly I think you come to appreciate the little things that kids do that everyone else takes for granted.

    You will find from reading other posts in here and particularly those from adults on the spectrum that life does not stop just because of a diagnosis.  Our section on "Understanding Autism" is really good too so you might want to have a read at the various topics in there.

    If you have any questions or want to chat about anything in particular please do let us know.  We are happy to help if we can.





    Josie - Community Champion
  • SherpaMum's picture

    Hi, my son was diagnosed when he was 7.  He is a lovely quirky little boy.

    having a diagnosis, and going through a diagnosis process is a way of getting help for your child.  He may not need a diagnosis, but he may just need some help in certain areas.

    Your wife will need to take her own time to get used to the idea of the diagnosis process. It takes some people more time than others and in a way you do hope that things are fine and that others did the same thing.  You both need to support and guide each other through whatever happens.  

    We are here for you if you want a chat, just ask any questions you have. 

  • jamesjoseph's picture

    Many thanks for your kind comments, I guess this is a journey with an uncertain destination, yes he could have some form of ASD, maybe just a development delay, whichever he needs some help, that won't hurt whatever the problem turns out to be.

    for now we are off on a family holiday...can't wait until he sees Thomas the tank engine! Just going to enjoy him for now and give him lots of love and go see the Hv when we get back. Thank you all again.

  • SherpaMum's picture

    Have a wonderful holiday.  I can just imagine his face when he sees Thomas!  Enjoy the moment and the future will take care of itself.

Back to discussions

Back to top