Just opened my eyes, please help | Ambitious about Autism
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Just opened my eyes, please help

clint03's picture

Just opened my eyes, please help

Sun 16 Jul 2017 8:28pm

We had a birthday party for my (nearly) 6-year-old son who has ASD. He has (in theory) full-time one-to-one support at school. Him not having siblings, cousin or any relatives or extended family in this country we tried to have a very good party for him and invited 15 of his classmates, rented a venue and hired a party provider and provided food and etc, we did the same last year and it went really well. But this year the party turned into hell for our son and many other children by three of his male classmates, they bullied him in front of our eyes, I had to lift my son for him not being hurt by those three classmates, one of them tried and several times succeeded to touch and squeeze his genitals, while the other two taking off his glasses and shoes. I cannot stop crying tonight, these behaviours must have a history and I am at no doubt it is happening in daily basis at school.


I back up this with the thing that happened last week. The mum of one of those trouble maker boys had approached my wife and apologised for his son pinching my son at school. My wife totally unaware of the incident at school learned that four of children had been warned and their parents had been called to school for bullying my child. We immediately spoke to school and every body in school was totally unaware of the incident and a few days later we were told by his teacher that they had done an investigation and that hasn’t happened at all.


After today’s party we know that the investigation isn’t true, we also know what that lady meant by “pinching”. My son’s understanding of negative intention is next to zero, he actually loudly laughs when he is teased, his eye glasses is taken, his food is snatched, and many other bullying examples. Volunarable doesn't describe him enough.


You might rightly argue that this school isn’t suitable for him, no doubt we are trying hard to get him out of this hell. Any other school won’t be worse than this situation. We just do not understand why school doesn’t share with us the incidents that have happened to my child at school, they could tell us, at least we hadn’t invited these three. In fact his teacher in one of the meeting mentioned one of these boys (the worst ones) as his true supporter. In every meeting that we had at school, I loudly said that our priority is his well being at school and clearly mentioned he needs protection from negative intentions and it is written in his ECHP plan, every time we re-assured by the school, today I cannot keep believing them.



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  • LucieP's picture


    Sorry to hear what happened at your son's party. It's truly heartbreak breaking to witness other children's cruel behaviour right in front of your eyes. A similar thing happened to my son at preschool....where he was sat in between two boys who literally punched him multiple times. He just sat and took it with adults watching but not intervening until I said something.

    Hope you find your son a school where such behaviour just isn't tolerated and where they listen to you more.


    Lucie Platt
  • SherpaMum's picture

    Hi, this took me back a couple of years to my son's first school party. He invited his class and a couple of my work friend's children.  My son ended up in tears and very upset at some of his classmates.  My work colleagues looked on in amazement and frustration as the other mums said nothing to their little darlings.  I wanted to join my son and cry by the end of it all.  At least one of the boy's mums apologised for his behaviour, I am sure that her son will have been told off for his behaviour.

    I have taught my son what true friends do and don't do and that he needs to tell someone when he is being picked on.  Friends do not hit and kick you.

    He turned to the girls as they were kinder, he is now 10 and has a lovely little group of boys who are his friends and who look out for him and he looks out for them. Unfortunately you are always going to find some children who do not understand how to play nicely.  They do seem to improve as they grow older and understand better.  

    I would certainly ask the school what they are doing to ensure your son is OK at break time, my son's school thought everything was OK until they watched what was going on.  They have worked very hard to stop the bullying and to make the children aware of their actions.  We did not move schools, there are always going to be children who know no better than to pick on others.  As awful as it was at the time, we got through it.  I hope you can work with the school, or whichever school your son goes to, to educate the other children that just because someone is different or quirky that they are just an individual in their own right to be appreciated.

    Please let us know what happens.

  • clint03's picture


    Thank you LucieP and SherpaMum for your replies and sharing your similar experiences.

    The next day we met with the head teacher and SENCO early in the morning prior to school hours. They got very shocked to hear what has happened in the party but said that children’s behaviour could be totally different outside of school, when we said that their cruel behaviour started in minute one they started to doubt about school as well and promised us to have a thorough look into it. In particular they said that they would make sure my son would never be near any of those three pupils, and his TA always would be in hearing distance to him. Also next year none of those will share class  with my son. We were told that this last week things have been under control, they have spoken to all pupils in the school about friendship and being kind to each other and things that they shouldn’t do. Obviously similar to what SherpaMum said, they haven't been watching him closely, not enough to protect him from cruel behaviours of some children.

    Glad to hear that your son has made a group of friends. My son isn’t yet in a position to understand the true intention of others, and needs lots of support and hopefully gradually he will learn who really wants to be friend with him.




  • SherpaMum's picture

    That sounds really positive. 

    It took my son sometime to work out who his friends really are, but he got there and I am sure your son will too. smiley

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